Art Obsessed

P's art.

P's art.

AJ in yellow and PJ in red.

I just love AJ's legs in this pic.

My boys have been converted from art haters to art players. Now they are almost compulsive about their "art". (yeah- knowing them I shouldn't be surprised.) They wake up and run downstairs to do their drawings. Perhaps, they just had to get their fine motor skills a little more developed so they can actually get what they want on the page.

It's 3 am and I'm up again

Can't sleep once again. Too many thoughts running through my head. I thought maybe tonight/this morning I'd try to get some out here. Maybe that would help.
Basically, things at work have been stressing me out. I try very hard to do a good job. Yet, lately there have been some things going on that have been causing me additional stress and losing sleep. Then I get upset that I can't sleep and frustrated that I am going to be exhausted the next day and unable to effectively deal with all these additional stresses. When I am tired and stressed I get more emotional about things which I hate about myself because it is so non-productive and I have too many things I need to accomplish.
Meanwhile I lie awake at night thinking (after I have checked my work e-mail, again)- How did I get to this point? Why am I doing this to myself? Did I make bad life choices and now I am stuck with the consequences? Why is my job so hard? Am I making my job too hard? Is it because I don't have the talent for this kind of job? Why did I pick this career if I don't have the talent succeed? Is it because I have to do things the hard way? Why must I do things the hard way?Am I making this harder than it is because I have to do things the hard way or is it because I just do not have talent to do my job effectively? Why am I kidding myself with this career choice if I am not cut out for it to begin with? Did I mislead myself thinking all these years that work needs to be hard because it is called work? Did I erroneously think that all these years of sacrifice and dedication would somewhat be rewarded as I slowly climb the rungs of the ladder? What if there is no real reward for the hard work? What if I just fall off the ladder because I was never meant to be on it in the first place because I can't seem to handle it and that I am kidding myself because I am not really working that hard and I should be even more dedicated if I want to succeed? What is the definition of success for me? Is it even attainable given the unpredictability of the future? Why am I getting upset over all this it is only a job after all? Why can't I be a Real Housewife of San Diego?

Fun at Stone

Now that the boys are getting older and more well behaved, we can go out to eat more. We went to Stone Brewery this weekend with Auntie Debbie and had a lot of fun. The boys even commented on some other children's bad choices (standing up on the bench, climbing on furniture, and shouting). The weather was gorgeous and the boys enjoyed playing with their pops out in the garden.

Competition Woes

I worry. I am a mommy so I worry.
AJ has a big complex of always being first when it comes to athletics. I hate that PJ lets him win or lets him go first. I try to tell them to take turns in who can go first. I remind them that it is ok if your brother beats you in a race or makes more baskets than you. I want them to be proud of each other when they do well and always try their hardest no matter who wins. They do not seem to listen. AJ gets so overworked and upset when he is not "first" that he quits, cries and pouts. Much to my dismay and against my advice, PJ almost always gives into him and lets him win or have his way.
Lately, his thirst for being number one has spilled into other areas of his life. For example, he will only wear the Wisconsin jersey that has is number 1 on it, he has to be the first one in and out of the car, the first one to get a glass of milk etc. The hardest part lately has been when we are playing games with him. If PJ pulls away and starts leading in Candyland or Chutes and Ladders (for some reason I am always in last when we play, go figure) all hell breaks loose. AJ flips out and has a tantrum. This results in the game being over and a time out for AJ if he can't control his temper. The funny thing is that the behavior is the opposite with more individual activities such as doing puzzles, math, spelling, sight reading, etc. PJ has to be the fastest and best here and AJ is fine with it and even asks P to tell him the answers!
UGH. What can I do? I think healthy competition is fine and I want the boys to both push each other to do their best and be happy for each other no matter the outcome. I don't want the boys to give up if they are not first or let their brother win. And I don't want one twin to just be lazy and wait for his brother to give him the answer. I hope this is a phase. Their lives are going to be so hard if it is not. So I worry.