Last night I went out with the twin ladies, which was lovely. I need to flee the coup and get my lady conversation on every once in a while for my own sanity. It is my chance to have some wine and share life and twin related stories. Well, one of the stories got me all fired up. Apparently, during a playgroup one twin mother had the audacity to insult another mother about her decision to be an out of the home working mother claiming that her children suffer because of her "selfish" decision to work. Naturally, my working friend never returned to another playgroup.
As a working mother myself and also because I was raised by a working mother, I get infuriated at such accusations. A decision for a mother to work outside the home or not is a personal one and typically, this decision is not made lightheartedly. It is a complicated formula filled with different variables including that of personal traits, monetary factors, career expectations, goals, and guilt. It is disappointing to hear a women from this day and age be so ignorant and say such insulting remarks.
Personally, I think my children are better served having me as a working parent. I think I set an example for them that women can do anything that men can do and should be treated as an equal and respected in the workplace and life despite their family situation. I show my boys that as men and fathers they will be expected to be equal contributing members of the family and do their share to make the household run. They will understand that by having working parents they will have disappointments as a result of their parent’s responsibilities, but can be proud of their parent’s career accomplishments and how hard they work to try to balance both career and family. They will realize that “you can’t have it all” and life is not the 2 dimensional, glossy, perfect family images portrayed as ideal in the media. They will be OK with this because I will teach them that life is a challenge and dynamic filled with possibilities and choice and that their parents carefully made their choices and worked hard to deliver the best outcomes that they could.
3 comments:
100% agree. If I had kids I would want to work not only because it makes zero financial sense for me to stay at home, but also because I would want to set an example for my children. If I have girls I want them to know it is ok to have a career and be successful. If I have boys I want them to respect women as their equals and not expect them to be their caretakers. If you believe the book Freakonomics whether or not you work outside of the home has no effect on your children's success (judged by test scores). The theory is that WHO you are (an pair of educated and highly motivated and therefore highly successful parents) is more important than WHAT you are. Do what is right for you and don't worry about what other people think. I think some people feel threatened and have to attack other people because they are not confident in their own decisions.
Oh Karen. Right on Sista! Good for you, truly. We all make decisions for our family based on our hearts, and the needs of our family. Your boys are learning the language of FAMILY. Love it.
Right on, girl. I am so with you...
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